Sunday, November 16, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
confessions
im tired. from work.
but relieved at the same time. why? i dont know. after what happened.. ewan ko. i may look like a nag that night. but it wasnt my intention at all. i just wanted to make things clear between you and i. ayoko ng tumagal pa lalo. i;ve suffered enough. waiting in vain. without any assurance. im not saying i need a commitment. i just wanted him to make some efforts naman to know if he's really serious with it.
hindi naman because i showed my feelings to you, i wore my heart on my sleeve, wla ka nang gagawin to win me. dahil ba i showed my feelings too early. i told him, that eversince i've been honest and frank with him. because im serious with it. ewan ko ba. it's not my nature to show my feelings to a man. its never my manner even before. mabe it's a factor that i've known him for quite a long time na at school and that i knew he's a fine man. dont get me wrong, he is still. it's just maybe he's not yet ready for it. i just thought, unfair naman sakin if im waiting for him, hanging. then ska lang pag ok na sya.. yung ganon ba. hay nakakaloka.
kaya i took the risk of confessing na din to him. i treat him as a friend. we're friends naman. and as a friend i wanted to respect that he's not yet ready and i wanted to save our friendship from my confusions. ayoko ng dumating sa point na magkasakitaan at magkasumbatan. whch shouldnt happen. in fairness to him, he's not making paasa naman. im just the one worried na im preventing him from doing what he wants with his life or with anything, without commitment to anybody. maybe he wants his life back. with his career. his usual social life. or other social stuffs. like his barkada. his time for himself without a feeling of 'nasasakal'. time with his family, maybe? whatever it is.
yun na nga eh. whatever it is. dahil hindi naman tlga sya nagsasabi sakin about the real reason. he just said sorry because there were busy times lang daw tlga. i know that. i know, ryt? i understand, ok. ganun tlga with his profession. but then again, cno bang hindi busy? if the person is important to you, you make few times with her. im not saying regularly. just few times. wla bang sabado't linggo na free ka? wla bang holidays and special occasions na hindi ka busy? i may sound too demanding pero i dont really think so. kasi wla pa ngang instances na nagkasama kami so how can you say i demanded so much. i would be demanding kung may ginawa ka na tapos i still need more.
ok, he texts me. its an effort. but my goodness.. 19 months puro text? nsa abroad ba ako? i mean, he could spare some time and ask me out just to see me. im not asking for a date, my gosh. i dont need extravagance. i just want to sit down with him and talk about things. about us. i wont snare him, promise. i wont even force him na maging kami. or gawin mo to, gawin mo yan or win me. we can even talk of things not related to relationships if he wants.
its not my nature na mamilit ng tao kung ayaw nya lalo na when it comes to relationships. kung ayaw mo, just say so. bsta sabihin mo kasi mahina kung minsan ang pick up ko. hindi ko maiintindihan kung tahimik ka lang. kung hindi mo sasabihin. hindi ako magaling sa pakiramdaman. pero open ako. dont be afraid to say what you think. i may not agree with you but i would still respect it. i would still listen to it.
ang gusto ko lang sabihin mo. sabihin mo kung ayaw mo nalang talga sa akin. na may mali na sa nangyayari. na we shouldnt continue. bka nahihiya ka lang sabihin sakin, kaya i took the risk to open the idea. yes, i felt something's wrong. that's why i decided. i told him, wlang 3rd party. it's true. God knows may mga nagpaparamdam. but im firm when i said wala.
hindi ko na tuloy alam what went wrong. hindi nga tlga cguro meant or hindi pa ngaun.
in the end, im still here as your friend. you can count on that.
but relieved at the same time. why? i dont know. after what happened.. ewan ko. i may look like a nag that night. but it wasnt my intention at all. i just wanted to make things clear between you and i. ayoko ng tumagal pa lalo. i;ve suffered enough. waiting in vain. without any assurance. im not saying i need a commitment. i just wanted him to make some efforts naman to know if he's really serious with it.
hindi naman because i showed my feelings to you, i wore my heart on my sleeve, wla ka nang gagawin to win me. dahil ba i showed my feelings too early. i told him, that eversince i've been honest and frank with him. because im serious with it. ewan ko ba. it's not my nature to show my feelings to a man. its never my manner even before. mabe it's a factor that i've known him for quite a long time na at school and that i knew he's a fine man. dont get me wrong, he is still. it's just maybe he's not yet ready for it. i just thought, unfair naman sakin if im waiting for him, hanging. then ska lang pag ok na sya.. yung ganon ba. hay nakakaloka.
kaya i took the risk of confessing na din to him. i treat him as a friend. we're friends naman. and as a friend i wanted to respect that he's not yet ready and i wanted to save our friendship from my confusions. ayoko ng dumating sa point na magkasakitaan at magkasumbatan. whch shouldnt happen. in fairness to him, he's not making paasa naman. im just the one worried na im preventing him from doing what he wants with his life or with anything, without commitment to anybody. maybe he wants his life back. with his career. his usual social life. or other social stuffs. like his barkada. his time for himself without a feeling of 'nasasakal'. time with his family, maybe? whatever it is.
yun na nga eh. whatever it is. dahil hindi naman tlga sya nagsasabi sakin about the real reason. he just said sorry because there were busy times lang daw tlga. i know that. i know, ryt? i understand, ok. ganun tlga with his profession. but then again, cno bang hindi busy? if the person is important to you, you make few times with her. im not saying regularly. just few times. wla bang sabado't linggo na free ka? wla bang holidays and special occasions na hindi ka busy? i may sound too demanding pero i dont really think so. kasi wla pa ngang instances na nagkasama kami so how can you say i demanded so much. i would be demanding kung may ginawa ka na tapos i still need more.
ok, he texts me. its an effort. but my goodness.. 19 months puro text? nsa abroad ba ako? i mean, he could spare some time and ask me out just to see me. im not asking for a date, my gosh. i dont need extravagance. i just want to sit down with him and talk about things. about us. i wont snare him, promise. i wont even force him na maging kami. or gawin mo to, gawin mo yan or win me. we can even talk of things not related to relationships if he wants.
its not my nature na mamilit ng tao kung ayaw nya lalo na when it comes to relationships. kung ayaw mo, just say so. bsta sabihin mo kasi mahina kung minsan ang pick up ko. hindi ko maiintindihan kung tahimik ka lang. kung hindi mo sasabihin. hindi ako magaling sa pakiramdaman. pero open ako. dont be afraid to say what you think. i may not agree with you but i would still respect it. i would still listen to it.
ang gusto ko lang sabihin mo. sabihin mo kung ayaw mo nalang talga sa akin. na may mali na sa nangyayari. na we shouldnt continue. bka nahihiya ka lang sabihin sakin, kaya i took the risk to open the idea. yes, i felt something's wrong. that's why i decided. i told him, wlang 3rd party. it's true. God knows may mga nagpaparamdam. but im firm when i said wala.
hindi ko na tuloy alam what went wrong. hindi nga tlga cguro meant or hindi pa ngaun.
in the end, im still here as your friend. you can count on that.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I make simple poems
I make poems, once in a while....
Monstrous
What if I were a bird
will you doubt my nature
fleeting long distance
whenever I have the chance?
What if I were a bird
liberally wild and free
will you give me freedom
to fly so high from dusk till dawn
across land and sea
till my heart is skinned
and head is whirled
of which my return is always a mystery?
Will you imprison me
lock me up inside this cold, empty confinement
Bind me near to you
Tie me close to your heart
make me feel its every beat
embrace me,
till my vertebrate breaks
for it was your way
of showing how much you love me?
But you cannot choose, can you?
Because neither is sweet nor bearable.
because you so loved me
that making me happy is all that you want to see
yet can never let me free, you never let me free.
You fear, I might forget.
Oh yes, it was fear ever since.
Fear that you might lose me
you who have tamed me.
But have you given a thought
that one day I might find a way
to break these chains, to flee away?
I never wanted to hurt you from the beginning,
but I had to.
I had to before I die with your own potion
I cared about you, believe me
From a distance I look back
And remember the two of us
The passage that leads to your door.
But the door leads to a room full of hate.
The door was shut for the longest time
It was dark and empty
It gives me an eerie sight of you
You became the ghost
that hunts me in my dreams
I longed for that fateful morning
For someone to come and save me
I wanted to help you
Believe me.
But how will I when you took my life from me?
You molded me according to you
It was a forceful act
I never liked it.
All of me now
Was a shadow of you.
You hurt me
Again and again
I bleed
Again and again
You shook me to the ends of the world.
That fateful day came
When you wanted more than you wished for
You destroyed my wings. Finally.
You lied when you said it was love
It was revenge than love, I know.
I could no longer fly
I was numb I could not breathe.
I remember shouting over and over
as hard as I could
No angel could save me from you.
No one came.
I wanted to look in the mirror
To see if my reflections were the same
But I was afraid what to find out
I know I was never the same.
From a young and beautiful bird
To a scary and monstrous creature
It terrifies me
It gives me tremor
As the days go by.
Who could still love
a bird
With nothing but scars?
A monster.
My own company.
The monster you have created
was me.
Monstrous
What if I were a bird
will you doubt my nature
fleeting long distance
whenever I have the chance?
What if I were a bird
liberally wild and free
will you give me freedom
to fly so high from dusk till dawn
across land and sea
till my heart is skinned
and head is whirled
of which my return is always a mystery?
Will you imprison me
lock me up inside this cold, empty confinement
Bind me near to you
Tie me close to your heart
make me feel its every beat
embrace me,
till my vertebrate breaks
for it was your way
of showing how much you love me?
But you cannot choose, can you?
Because neither is sweet nor bearable.
because you so loved me
that making me happy is all that you want to see
yet can never let me free, you never let me free.
You fear, I might forget.
Oh yes, it was fear ever since.
Fear that you might lose me
you who have tamed me.
But have you given a thought
that one day I might find a way
to break these chains, to flee away?
I never wanted to hurt you from the beginning,
but I had to.
I had to before I die with your own potion
I cared about you, believe me
From a distance I look back
And remember the two of us
The passage that leads to your door.
But the door leads to a room full of hate.
The door was shut for the longest time
It was dark and empty
It gives me an eerie sight of you
You became the ghost
that hunts me in my dreams
I longed for that fateful morning
For someone to come and save me
I wanted to help you
Believe me.
But how will I when you took my life from me?
You molded me according to you
It was a forceful act
I never liked it.
All of me now
Was a shadow of you.
You hurt me
Again and again
I bleed
Again and again
You shook me to the ends of the world.
That fateful day came
When you wanted more than you wished for
You destroyed my wings. Finally.
You lied when you said it was love
It was revenge than love, I know.
I could no longer fly
I was numb I could not breathe.
I remember shouting over and over
as hard as I could
No angel could save me from you.
No one came.
I wanted to look in the mirror
To see if my reflections were the same
But I was afraid what to find out
I know I was never the same.
From a young and beautiful bird
To a scary and monstrous creature
It terrifies me
It gives me tremor
As the days go by.
Who could still love
a bird
With nothing but scars?
A monster.
My own company.
The monster you have created
was me.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
spare time
Arghh.. Natutukso na kong magtext. Pigilan nyo ko! hahaha....
Nakakatamad naman kasi ang buhay opisina... Kaw ba naman, opis - bahay lang. minsan lang nakaka-gimik. Lagi pang OT kasi late ng umuwi si bossing alangan namang unahan ko pang umuwi yun, minsan naguutos pa din sya kahit 6 or 7 pm na or minsan, gusto lang tlga nyang may company sa kanyang pagO-OT nya.
Pero masaya din ang buhay opis, on the other hand. Kasi malaki din naman ang Central Office ng DA so madaming taong nakakasalamuha, madaming ugaling kinaiinisan or kinakatuwaan. AT ang pinaka-mabigat na challenge lang sayo ay kung paano mo i-uphold ang "integrity" mo.
Pag bad, wag gayahin. Pag mabuti, ok pero be cautious.
May mga chances na magka-kasama ang mdaming dibisyon ng DA - sa mga trainings/ workshops/ seminars/ meetings/ project packaging/ team buildings. Sa breakfast, meriendas at lunch. Marami na nga akong kilala sa kanila. AT medyo mahirap din kung aalis ka, ang habang paliwanagan yon malamang.
Isa pang kinatutuwa ko din ay ang pagiging semi-independent (unlike nung nag-aaral pa ko) pag malayo ka sa bahay. Pag nag-bboarding haus ka. Ibang grupo ng tao n nman ang ksama at kasalamuha mo. Sa tatlong bahay na nag-stay ako, hindi naman ako napaaway or nakagalitan. Medyo epektib ang pagddisiplina ng nanay ko nung bata pa ako. Biruin mo, hiyawan ka ba nman ng "burara" pag nakitang nkakalat mga gamit mo after school. With matching kurot pa kung minsan.
Eh ang isa sa kritikal pag nagbboard ka, wag kang makalat at wag pakialamera sa gamit/ personal na buhay ng roommates. Pwede yung personal na buhay, magka-kwentuhan at makapagpalagayan ng loob, pero pagtagal-tagal na yon. Pag friends na tlga kayo.
Maganda din sa set-up ko dahil sumusweldo na ako. I mean, hindi naman ako laspag sa pera. Marunong na kasi akong magtipid ngaun. Yung di ko nabibili nung college, may laya na akong bilhin ngayon. Pero syempre pag nakapagtabi na ako ng pera para sa bahay. Kailangan yon.
Matipid na nga ako ngaun. Dati sa grocery, kung anong madampot cge lang. Pero dapat conscious ka sa melamine at made in china. Sabi nga nung roommate ko "bilhin mo lang kng anong kailangan mo. AT kung bibili ka, ok lang kahit mahal basta may quality."
Tama din sya. Nakkapunta din ako kung saan ko gusto ng hindi alam ng parents ko. Basta may pera ka sa bulsa. Make sure lang na ang mga kasama mo ay mapagkakatiwalaang mga tao. [Naalala ko nung nagpunta kaming majayjay.. sira tlga mga un, pero ok lang kilala ko naman mga kasama ko. hindi alam ni mama na dun ang punta ko. pero lately nalaman din nya na mga hs batchmates kasama ko. You just have to trust people. ]
AT ibang lugar na napuntahan dahil na din sa opisina. Kadalasan trainings. Within metro manila, vis and min. Masaya ang experience at medyo mature people mga kasama ko palagi. maraming insights na nakukuha sa kanila. pero wag ka, nalaman ko din na khit gano ka-mature ang tao, may kakengkoyan at kaengotan din. In general na un. Propesyonal man o hindi. Nature na ng tao. May pag ka- isip bata. Sabi nga sa linya ng kanta, "you bring out the youth in me". HAhaa..
Nakakatawa din sa opisina. Mga kakengkoyan ng boss at opismates. Pag rush hour at overloaded, mga seryoso at ramdam ang tensyon. Pag humupa na ang bagyo (hehe), papetiks-petiks nalang kami. minsan nagkkwentuhan tungkol sa buhay-buhay. ANg lovelife lang ang pinaka-iniiwasang topic hanggat maaari. Hindi naman sa ka-cornihan pero alam kong bka bumaha lang o mainggit ang karamihan.. hehehe. kasama ako sa maiinggit dont worry.
ANg nakakatawa pa, pag alam na single ka im-match ka sa mga eligibles. Ibang dibisyon, pamangkin ng boss, kakilala ng opismates, kaibigan ng roomates, etc. etc. " mabait yun, abogado yun, mag-aabroad na yun, binata yun, kilala ko magulang nun".. nakakatawa. Lalo na pag nalaman nilang wla ka pang nagiging boyfriend evah. May nagtanong pa sakin na kaibigan ko, "hindi ka ba.. alam mo na, bka naman nakakagusto ka sa kapwa babae.." Naloka ako dun. Ano ba! Bastos ka ah.. Cge pagisipan ko. Hahaha...
Minsan magkakayayaang magsine, kumain sa labas mag -circle, mag-bike, mag-pabili ng buko pie. =(
Kaya nga kung minsan attached ka na sa mga tao sa paligid mo. Pero dahil may pangarap ako, i know one day iiwan ko din ang lhat para sa isang bagay na gusto ng Dyos na sundan ko. AT yun ang mahirap. Ang magpaalam.
Every 2 weeks or every week kung minsan, umuuwi ako ng elbi (the place to be) at mag- uunwind. lahat ng pressures sa opisina pipiliting kalimutan sa sabado at linggo. Kadalasan may dala pa akong trabaho sa bahay. Pero as much as possible, yayayain ko ang ate o bunso o mama na magikot ng UPelbi. minsan sawa na sila at ayaw na kong samahan. MInsan inuuto ko nalang bunso kong kapatid na ibibili ng ice cream sa grove para lang samahan pa ako. Nakakamiss ang buhay istudyante..
Hay eto n naman ako, day dreaming,,, pero hindi man ako nakasali sa mga orgs watevah, masaya ang college life ko. Masaya ang mga klase namin, ang batchmates ko, majormates mga technician sa agro-hort-soils bldg., at mga tambay doon na naging kaibigan ko, kahit yung mga tindero at tindera sa agro. Mga classmates na hanggang ngayon may koneksyon pa din even after we took board exam.
Yun lang, mahirap mag-wala sa sarili mong bayan, ika nga. Hindi naman ako pwedeng makitang nakikipag-inuman/ discobar-an o lampungan (as if?) sa kalawakan ng elbi dhil may makakakilala sakin na pwedeng ikatapos ng buhay college ko pag nagalit ang ma-dear. Sasabihin non, "kababae mong tao!".. conservative pa din sya.
Yun ang buhay ko as of now, pero once in a while, naiisip kong mag-upgrade. Maliban sa mga libro at sudo ku (at cellphone, hehe) na kapiling ko tuwing gabi i felt the need to study, tutal malapit lang nman ang updiliman. ANg problema lang, nagttrabaho ako. cguro open u na nga lang, i must inquire pla. llalagay ko sa agenda notebook ko.
Minsan isang araw, nag-apply ako sa DOST, udyok na din ng college batchmate ko. Sabi ko 'envi science kaya?'.. Pero human eco or sociology or psychology tlga yung interest ko sa ngaun.. cguro blessing na din na hindi ako nakapunta sa interview ng DOST after the tiresome completion of requirements (na nag-leave pa ako sa opisina), dahil napatapat na may week-long training kami sa monte vista. Nalungkot ako at tumawag sa DOST na hindi ako makakapunta. Sabi ko sa 2nd batch of interviewees nalang ako. Sabi nya wla na ytang iniskedule for 2nd batch kasi visayas at mindanao na ang sunod.
Nalungkot ako dahil sayang naman mga recommendation letters ng tatlo kong professors, impressive pa naman mga nakasulat... haha. Kinontak ko tlga s sir namuco (adviser, hort prof), sir comia (soil science prof) at sir butchor espino (hort prof at the same time national director for gma hvcc program of DA)... Wala lang, nanghinayang lang ako. Hindi ko lang pwedeng iwan yung training noon kasi facilitator ako. At biglaan din namang tinext ng DOST.
Hay, but sabi nga , every thing will come in God's perfect time. Ang taong impatient daw ganito mag dasal, "God pls give me patience... ANd I want it now!"
Patience is a virtue.
Of course you need to act, pero God has the last say so make peace with Him. Love Him.
ANg haba na ng blog ko.. next time nlang cguro.
Have a nice day =)
Nakakatamad naman kasi ang buhay opisina... Kaw ba naman, opis - bahay lang. minsan lang nakaka-gimik. Lagi pang OT kasi late ng umuwi si bossing alangan namang unahan ko pang umuwi yun, minsan naguutos pa din sya kahit 6 or 7 pm na or minsan, gusto lang tlga nyang may company sa kanyang pagO-OT nya.
Pero masaya din ang buhay opis, on the other hand. Kasi malaki din naman ang Central Office ng DA so madaming taong nakakasalamuha, madaming ugaling kinaiinisan or kinakatuwaan. AT ang pinaka-mabigat na challenge lang sayo ay kung paano mo i-uphold ang "integrity" mo.
Pag bad, wag gayahin. Pag mabuti, ok pero be cautious.
May mga chances na magka-kasama ang mdaming dibisyon ng DA - sa mga trainings/ workshops/ seminars/ meetings/ project packaging/ team buildings. Sa breakfast, meriendas at lunch. Marami na nga akong kilala sa kanila. AT medyo mahirap din kung aalis ka, ang habang paliwanagan yon malamang.
Isa pang kinatutuwa ko din ay ang pagiging semi-independent (unlike nung nag-aaral pa ko) pag malayo ka sa bahay. Pag nag-bboarding haus ka. Ibang grupo ng tao n nman ang ksama at kasalamuha mo. Sa tatlong bahay na nag-stay ako, hindi naman ako napaaway or nakagalitan. Medyo epektib ang pagddisiplina ng nanay ko nung bata pa ako. Biruin mo, hiyawan ka ba nman ng "burara" pag nakitang nkakalat mga gamit mo after school. With matching kurot pa kung minsan.
Eh ang isa sa kritikal pag nagbboard ka, wag kang makalat at wag pakialamera sa gamit/ personal na buhay ng roommates. Pwede yung personal na buhay, magka-kwentuhan at makapagpalagayan ng loob, pero pagtagal-tagal na yon. Pag friends na tlga kayo.
Maganda din sa set-up ko dahil sumusweldo na ako. I mean, hindi naman ako laspag sa pera. Marunong na kasi akong magtipid ngaun. Yung di ko nabibili nung college, may laya na akong bilhin ngayon. Pero syempre pag nakapagtabi na ako ng pera para sa bahay. Kailangan yon.
Matipid na nga ako ngaun. Dati sa grocery, kung anong madampot cge lang. Pero dapat conscious ka sa melamine at made in china. Sabi nga nung roommate ko "bilhin mo lang kng anong kailangan mo. AT kung bibili ka, ok lang kahit mahal basta may quality."
Tama din sya. Nakkapunta din ako kung saan ko gusto ng hindi alam ng parents ko. Basta may pera ka sa bulsa. Make sure lang na ang mga kasama mo ay mapagkakatiwalaang mga tao. [Naalala ko nung nagpunta kaming majayjay.. sira tlga mga un, pero ok lang kilala ko naman mga kasama ko. hindi alam ni mama na dun ang punta ko. pero lately nalaman din nya na mga hs batchmates kasama ko. You just have to trust people. ]
AT ibang lugar na napuntahan dahil na din sa opisina. Kadalasan trainings. Within metro manila, vis and min. Masaya ang experience at medyo mature people mga kasama ko palagi. maraming insights na nakukuha sa kanila. pero wag ka, nalaman ko din na khit gano ka-mature ang tao, may kakengkoyan at kaengotan din. In general na un. Propesyonal man o hindi. Nature na ng tao. May pag ka- isip bata. Sabi nga sa linya ng kanta, "you bring out the youth in me". HAhaa..
Nakakatawa din sa opisina. Mga kakengkoyan ng boss at opismates. Pag rush hour at overloaded, mga seryoso at ramdam ang tensyon. Pag humupa na ang bagyo (hehe), papetiks-petiks nalang kami. minsan nagkkwentuhan tungkol sa buhay-buhay. ANg lovelife lang ang pinaka-iniiwasang topic hanggat maaari. Hindi naman sa ka-cornihan pero alam kong bka bumaha lang o mainggit ang karamihan.. hehehe. kasama ako sa maiinggit dont worry.
ANg nakakatawa pa, pag alam na single ka im-match ka sa mga eligibles. Ibang dibisyon, pamangkin ng boss, kakilala ng opismates, kaibigan ng roomates, etc. etc. " mabait yun, abogado yun, mag-aabroad na yun, binata yun, kilala ko magulang nun".. nakakatawa. Lalo na pag nalaman nilang wla ka pang nagiging boyfriend evah. May nagtanong pa sakin na kaibigan ko, "hindi ka ba.. alam mo na, bka naman nakakagusto ka sa kapwa babae.." Naloka ako dun. Ano ba! Bastos ka ah.. Cge pagisipan ko. Hahaha...
Minsan magkakayayaang magsine, kumain sa labas mag -circle, mag-bike, mag-pabili ng buko pie. =(
Kaya nga kung minsan attached ka na sa mga tao sa paligid mo. Pero dahil may pangarap ako, i know one day iiwan ko din ang lhat para sa isang bagay na gusto ng Dyos na sundan ko. AT yun ang mahirap. Ang magpaalam.
Every 2 weeks or every week kung minsan, umuuwi ako ng elbi (the place to be) at mag- uunwind. lahat ng pressures sa opisina pipiliting kalimutan sa sabado at linggo. Kadalasan may dala pa akong trabaho sa bahay. Pero as much as possible, yayayain ko ang ate o bunso o mama na magikot ng UPelbi. minsan sawa na sila at ayaw na kong samahan. MInsan inuuto ko nalang bunso kong kapatid na ibibili ng ice cream sa grove para lang samahan pa ako. Nakakamiss ang buhay istudyante..
Hay eto n naman ako, day dreaming,,, pero hindi man ako nakasali sa mga orgs watevah, masaya ang college life ko. Masaya ang mga klase namin, ang batchmates ko, majormates mga technician sa agro-hort-soils bldg., at mga tambay doon na naging kaibigan ko, kahit yung mga tindero at tindera sa agro. Mga classmates na hanggang ngayon may koneksyon pa din even after we took board exam.
Yun lang, mahirap mag-wala sa sarili mong bayan, ika nga. Hindi naman ako pwedeng makitang nakikipag-inuman/ discobar-an o lampungan (as if?) sa kalawakan ng elbi dhil may makakakilala sakin na pwedeng ikatapos ng buhay college ko pag nagalit ang ma-dear. Sasabihin non, "kababae mong tao!".. conservative pa din sya.
Yun ang buhay ko as of now, pero once in a while, naiisip kong mag-upgrade. Maliban sa mga libro at sudo ku (at cellphone, hehe) na kapiling ko tuwing gabi i felt the need to study, tutal malapit lang nman ang updiliman. ANg problema lang, nagttrabaho ako. cguro open u na nga lang, i must inquire pla. llalagay ko sa agenda notebook ko.
Minsan isang araw, nag-apply ako sa DOST, udyok na din ng college batchmate ko. Sabi ko 'envi science kaya?'.. Pero human eco or sociology or psychology tlga yung interest ko sa ngaun.. cguro blessing na din na hindi ako nakapunta sa interview ng DOST after the tiresome completion of requirements (na nag-leave pa ako sa opisina), dahil napatapat na may week-long training kami sa monte vista. Nalungkot ako at tumawag sa DOST na hindi ako makakapunta. Sabi ko sa 2nd batch of interviewees nalang ako. Sabi nya wla na ytang iniskedule for 2nd batch kasi visayas at mindanao na ang sunod.
Nalungkot ako dahil sayang naman mga recommendation letters ng tatlo kong professors, impressive pa naman mga nakasulat... haha. Kinontak ko tlga s sir namuco (adviser, hort prof), sir comia (soil science prof) at sir butchor espino (hort prof at the same time national director for gma hvcc program of DA)... Wala lang, nanghinayang lang ako. Hindi ko lang pwedeng iwan yung training noon kasi facilitator ako. At biglaan din namang tinext ng DOST.
Hay, but sabi nga , every thing will come in God's perfect time. Ang taong impatient daw ganito mag dasal, "God pls give me patience... ANd I want it now!"
Patience is a virtue.
Of course you need to act, pero God has the last say so make peace with Him. Love Him.
ANg haba na ng blog ko.. next time nlang cguro.
Have a nice day =)
Friday, October 24, 2008
All Mixed up
Hay.. im down again. I dont know why im still here.
Lost. Lost. Lost.
Im doing my duties in the office but not whole-heartedly. I still need to search for that "something" which will give me self-fulfillment in every way before I get acclimatized and used to things i dislike at first. I dont wanna come to a point where i would regret every single thing that i thought i better did.
I heard once that if you want to change something in your life, get off of your feet, you're not a tree with feet stuck beneath the ground anyway.
Im willing to sail off and change things for myself. Yes I am. Im just holding back because i still have obligations in the office/family. I dont wanna fail my parents above all things, and think that i am being selfish for sailing off. Dont get me wrong, i get all the support from my family when i need it. Only, Im at the stage right now of returning the favor to them. SO i really have to put my urge to sail off (im calling it a sail off cause i still am not quite sure what exactly it is that i want) at the backseat for the meantime.
Further, before i get out of here, i need a clear path first. A direction - where i really want to be and what i really want to become.
SO help me God.
Please help me God.
Lost. Lost. Lost.
Im doing my duties in the office but not whole-heartedly. I still need to search for that "something" which will give me self-fulfillment in every way before I get acclimatized and used to things i dislike at first. I dont wanna come to a point where i would regret every single thing that i thought i better did.
I heard once that if you want to change something in your life, get off of your feet, you're not a tree with feet stuck beneath the ground anyway.
Im willing to sail off and change things for myself. Yes I am. Im just holding back because i still have obligations in the office/family. I dont wanna fail my parents above all things, and think that i am being selfish for sailing off. Dont get me wrong, i get all the support from my family when i need it. Only, Im at the stage right now of returning the favor to them. SO i really have to put my urge to sail off (im calling it a sail off cause i still am not quite sure what exactly it is that i want) at the backseat for the meantime.
Further, before i get out of here, i need a clear path first. A direction - where i really want to be and what i really want to become.
SO help me God.
Please help me God.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Surgeons do not cry
Arghh!!! I was like crazy last night reading a great bookmemoir about the life of a doctor and his working environment. Was crying and laughing and grinning like crazy.. =)
One fateful day, my hs batchmate sent a txt msg asking if i can check out this book in stores as he allegedly thought i was a "mall person" here in qc. As if! I am close to hating malls noh.. Im broke everytime i go out of malls. Eh kasi ang mahal na ng bilihin ngaun. If not for national bookstores (im allergic to fullybooked and powerhouse books- more expensive!) and some shopping lists for my survival, it's still far better to go to Circle watching butterflies (if there's still one) and people go biking. But he's kinda right, i do go to malls because there's no place to go to on weekends other than Circle and UPDiliman.
With all my indulgence, he even made me try to look for the book at UP Press. When he's decided, he wouldnt let you go that easy. I'd admit, i thought this pesky batchmate is pestering me. He gave me a little background about the book and convinced me that, well yeah, id be doing a saintly deed if i get that book for him as he is the aspiring to be a doctor here. Well i thought, maybe this book is really something so out of my busy schedule in the office i searched for the UP press contact no. in the morning and went to the UPbookstore in the afternoon after lunch. I repeat, im just doing him a favor. Dont give any color to that. The nerve of that man!
I texted him that the book is ready for pick up. I didnt bother him to pay me, he told me he's broke, he couldnt pay me right away, so there's no point in trying, insinuating and insulting. But i do insult him once in a while when i get a chance naman (hehe). With all his wiles via text, he once again convinced me to hand it to our common friend so he can pick it up easily. how demanding. But he thanked me anyway. You know naman me, when i do good things to other whether it's a boy or a girl, a companion or not, i feel good inside. it's just my nature. i can be teary-eyed after doing good deeds to other. It sometimes pesters me knowing im getting a bit emotional when i do it. but i love this thing about me anyway. im proud of it also.
But before i give it to him, i decided to read it per his suggestion. ANd i was not disappointed at all. Being a journal kindofa book it was, i enjoyed every part of it . i learned how pinas looked like in the eyes of doctors back then and even in the martial law regime, and his love and care for UPPGH, among others. I mean, i like memoirs of course.***
It was such an inspiring book. Though im not a medical student or aspiring to become one, it was written in a comprehensive way for the sake of those who might be allergic to medical lingo in general.
Im sure you'll like this too.
Check "Surgeons do not cry" by Ting Tiongco.
***I was reading a memoir book also a few months ago entitled "blue notebooks" set in 1800s. It is about a beautiful notorious courtesan who committed all the sins in the world (as she said it) except murder and robbery. But through her ups and downs, round and round, she finally saw the light. the time for change, it's harder of course to come out from a putrid mud once you are so dipped beneath it. But nothing is impossible with God, and so she changed. Not just an ordinary change. She worked in a missionary. She went to places of obscene and poverty-striken communities, to medical missions and health service. She even entered the nunnery. And died serving there. She confessed to a priest and as her last will asked favor from the priest to publish her diary/journals that she kept since her tender age. He kept his promise. The priest as stated in the book said that he published the book without the intention in mind to line her up as candidate for becoming a saint, but with all his reverence to Liane de Pougy's journey as a nun and a daughter of God, this is not impossible at all he said.
One fateful day, my hs batchmate sent a txt msg asking if i can check out this book in stores as he allegedly thought i was a "mall person" here in qc. As if! I am close to hating malls noh.. Im broke everytime i go out of malls. Eh kasi ang mahal na ng bilihin ngaun. If not for national bookstores (im allergic to fullybooked and powerhouse books- more expensive!) and some shopping lists for my survival, it's still far better to go to Circle watching butterflies (if there's still one) and people go biking. But he's kinda right, i do go to malls because there's no place to go to on weekends other than Circle and UPDiliman.
With all my indulgence, he even made me try to look for the book at UP Press. When he's decided, he wouldnt let you go that easy. I'd admit, i thought this pesky batchmate is pestering me. He gave me a little background about the book and convinced me that, well yeah, id be doing a saintly deed if i get that book for him as he is the aspiring to be a doctor here. Well i thought, maybe this book is really something so out of my busy schedule in the office i searched for the UP press contact no. in the morning and went to the UPbookstore in the afternoon after lunch. I repeat, im just doing him a favor. Dont give any color to that. The nerve of that man!
I texted him that the book is ready for pick up. I didnt bother him to pay me, he told me he's broke, he couldnt pay me right away, so there's no point in trying, insinuating and insulting. But i do insult him once in a while when i get a chance naman (hehe). With all his wiles via text, he once again convinced me to hand it to our common friend so he can pick it up easily. how demanding. But he thanked me anyway. You know naman me, when i do good things to other whether it's a boy or a girl, a companion or not, i feel good inside. it's just my nature. i can be teary-eyed after doing good deeds to other. It sometimes pesters me knowing im getting a bit emotional when i do it. but i love this thing about me anyway. im proud of it also.
But before i give it to him, i decided to read it per his suggestion. ANd i was not disappointed at all. Being a journal kindofa book it was, i enjoyed every part of it . i learned how pinas looked like in the eyes of doctors back then and even in the martial law regime, and his love and care for UPPGH, among others. I mean, i like memoirs of course.***
It was such an inspiring book. Though im not a medical student or aspiring to become one, it was written in a comprehensive way for the sake of those who might be allergic to medical lingo in general.
Im sure you'll like this too.
Check "Surgeons do not cry" by Ting Tiongco.
***I was reading a memoir book also a few months ago entitled "blue notebooks" set in 1800s. It is about a beautiful notorious courtesan who committed all the sins in the world (as she said it) except murder and robbery. But through her ups and downs, round and round, she finally saw the light. the time for change, it's harder of course to come out from a putrid mud once you are so dipped beneath it. But nothing is impossible with God, and so she changed. Not just an ordinary change. She worked in a missionary. She went to places of obscene and poverty-striken communities, to medical missions and health service. She even entered the nunnery. And died serving there. She confessed to a priest and as her last will asked favor from the priest to publish her diary/journals that she kept since her tender age. He kept his promise. The priest as stated in the book said that he published the book without the intention in mind to line her up as candidate for becoming a saint, but with all his reverence to Liane de Pougy's journey as a nun and a daughter of God, this is not impossible at all he said.
Uwian na (6:47pm)
Lord,
Thank you for this wonderful day. The day has ended meaningfully through your grace.
How happy I am to serve you! I know i had a hard day today, but without Your loving wisdom it will not make any sense at all.
Tomorrow is another day, not too late to profess my faith and love for you. Strengthen me and shower me hope so I may lead a glorious life.
Thank you once again. Guide me as I go home tonight. AMen.
Donna =)
Thank you for this wonderful day. The day has ended meaningfully through your grace.
How happy I am to serve you! I know i had a hard day today, but without Your loving wisdom it will not make any sense at all.
Tomorrow is another day, not too late to profess my faith and love for you. Strengthen me and shower me hope so I may lead a glorious life.
Thank you once again. Guide me as I go home tonight. AMen.
Donna =)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
A "love-ly" blog
What a tiresome task it is.. to wait for something so blurry and uncertain. Is it worth keeping?
IM exhausted but being the person of strong will and positivity, well, I might let a little depression moment take place but i wont allow these worries to stand in the way - to shatter my spirit.
I know i will get hurt. I know i have to wait. and i know that i should learn to just let it go when the person is not anymore into you no matter how you are into that person.
I just cant hide the fact that i am hurting just to think of all the words being said, but not done. Never thought that his feelings will soon all wane.
I dont know if im just imagining things.. But to be frank, i reckon you're not serious with it. sorry, but that's just how i feel. I was under the impression that it is love. That's what you were trying to say to me before all of these befall right?.. It's hard to convince myself now.. Because if it is love, there must be an act of love.
Well, so much for that lonely moments, I just wanna give a lecture here if you'd allow me to, anyway this is my blog. . (grinning)
If you love a person, you spend time with the person. You wouldnt say, "I'll find time" but "I will make time with him/her". You are more than glad to spend every minute with him/her and wouldnt mind how long you spent time with him/her even in total silence. It sounds corny of course, but this is a matter of fact. This isnt just a baseless observation. Of course there will be boring times. But just look at old couples around who survived different tests in their marriage through time, including the "boring times" in their relationship. I wouldnt want to contest to that.
Ok, but many relationships lasted for a few years or so. How about that?
Well, they mistook love to purely just a feeling. But true love isnt just a feeling. It is an action. (you might heard this a thousand times before. but believe me this is true).
True love starts when the "love" feeling expires - and that you are still willing to do acts of love for the person even after the realization that the feeling subsides. That is true love. If you really love the person, you wouldnt base your love on the intensity of your feelings in the moment. Because feelings just like flame will soon subside.
Im not saying that love as a feeling is unimportant. Of course, love as a feeling is also an essential spice in every relationship, but it is not the solid foundation of strong relationships. I repeat love is not a feeling but an action.
The purest definition of love for me is...
It is the act of extending yourself for the spiritual growth of the other person. You do things that would make him a better person. You support each other without vested selfish interests. You support the person as much as you can because you yourself believe this will help him grow into a magnanimous person than the first time you found him/her.
However, avoid losing yourself or personal identity in the process. You too are a person needing support. This is a two-way process, make this clear to yourself. There are so much martyrs in this world, and you are not qualified (kidding). A person full of love inside can only give love to others. You should be the first person who loves you. Respect and love yourself.
Then what makes a loving person?
A loving person is doing and willing to do good things for others out of love and generosity. ANd i tell this to a lot of people, you first have to overhaul your perspectives about love before you seek a person to love. And before you seek a deserving person to love, you have to be the person who is deserving first. You need to be prepared emotionally and psychologically, first and foremost, before entering into a commitment.
And why am I talking of commitment here?
Well when you are truly loving a person, you wanted to give him/her the assurance of your intentness and sincerity- you wanted to commit yourself to the person that you will love him/her for as long as you both live. That's where commitment comes in.
I firmly believe, unlike many, that commitment is a good thing. It builds stronger relationships. It is the most wonderful gift a loving person can give to profess his love.
But fear of rejection and ego boundaries would often make your deciding difficult. Why? Because fear and ego give you wrong concept about commitment. They will horribly give you a picture of how limited your working environment would be when you are committed, which should not be the case . Because as I have said, if a person truly loves you, he/she will do things that would lead you to your spiritual growth (when I say spiritual it doesnt necessarily mean religious). It is a mixture of, among other things, respect and self-discipline. Therefore true love is disciplined.
Hay, there's so much about love that remains to be a mystery. One thing I know for sure is that it takes a great effort to maintain and sustain a loving and healthy relationship. But history has taught us that it really wasnt impossible. ANd it is worth all the effort. It is rewarding - more than you could ever hoped for.
So love with all your heart and find meaning in your relationship.
I wish you true love annd happiness.
IM exhausted but being the person of strong will and positivity, well, I might let a little depression moment take place but i wont allow these worries to stand in the way - to shatter my spirit.
I know i will get hurt. I know i have to wait. and i know that i should learn to just let it go when the person is not anymore into you no matter how you are into that person.
I just cant hide the fact that i am hurting just to think of all the words being said, but not done. Never thought that his feelings will soon all wane.
I dont know if im just imagining things.. But to be frank, i reckon you're not serious with it. sorry, but that's just how i feel. I was under the impression that it is love. That's what you were trying to say to me before all of these befall right?.. It's hard to convince myself now.. Because if it is love, there must be an act of love.
Well, so much for that lonely moments, I just wanna give a lecture here if you'd allow me to, anyway this is my blog. . (grinning)
If you love a person, you spend time with the person. You wouldnt say, "I'll find time" but "I will make time with him/her". You are more than glad to spend every minute with him/her and wouldnt mind how long you spent time with him/her even in total silence. It sounds corny of course, but this is a matter of fact. This isnt just a baseless observation. Of course there will be boring times. But just look at old couples around who survived different tests in their marriage through time, including the "boring times" in their relationship. I wouldnt want to contest to that.
Ok, but many relationships lasted for a few years or so. How about that?
Well, they mistook love to purely just a feeling. But true love isnt just a feeling. It is an action. (you might heard this a thousand times before. but believe me this is true).
True love starts when the "love" feeling expires - and that you are still willing to do acts of love for the person even after the realization that the feeling subsides. That is true love. If you really love the person, you wouldnt base your love on the intensity of your feelings in the moment. Because feelings just like flame will soon subside.
Im not saying that love as a feeling is unimportant. Of course, love as a feeling is also an essential spice in every relationship, but it is not the solid foundation of strong relationships. I repeat love is not a feeling but an action.
The purest definition of love for me is...
It is the act of extending yourself for the spiritual growth of the other person. You do things that would make him a better person. You support each other without vested selfish interests. You support the person as much as you can because you yourself believe this will help him grow into a magnanimous person than the first time you found him/her.
However, avoid losing yourself or personal identity in the process. You too are a person needing support. This is a two-way process, make this clear to yourself. There are so much martyrs in this world, and you are not qualified (kidding). A person full of love inside can only give love to others. You should be the first person who loves you. Respect and love yourself.
Then what makes a loving person?
A loving person is doing and willing to do good things for others out of love and generosity. ANd i tell this to a lot of people, you first have to overhaul your perspectives about love before you seek a person to love. And before you seek a deserving person to love, you have to be the person who is deserving first. You need to be prepared emotionally and psychologically, first and foremost, before entering into a commitment.
And why am I talking of commitment here?
Well when you are truly loving a person, you wanted to give him/her the assurance of your intentness and sincerity- you wanted to commit yourself to the person that you will love him/her for as long as you both live. That's where commitment comes in.
I firmly believe, unlike many, that commitment is a good thing. It builds stronger relationships. It is the most wonderful gift a loving person can give to profess his love.
But fear of rejection and ego boundaries would often make your deciding difficult. Why? Because fear and ego give you wrong concept about commitment. They will horribly give you a picture of how limited your working environment would be when you are committed, which should not be the case . Because as I have said, if a person truly loves you, he/she will do things that would lead you to your spiritual growth (when I say spiritual it doesnt necessarily mean religious). It is a mixture of, among other things, respect and self-discipline. Therefore true love is disciplined.
Hay, there's so much about love that remains to be a mystery. One thing I know for sure is that it takes a great effort to maintain and sustain a loving and healthy relationship. But history has taught us that it really wasnt impossible. ANd it is worth all the effort. It is rewarding - more than you could ever hoped for.
So love with all your heart and find meaning in your relationship.
I wish you true love annd happiness.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
eheads sa kanto
I so love e-heads!!! Cant get enough of them, ika nga. Sa kanto everytime mapapadaan ako bandang 8-9pm from work laging nagpapatugtog ng e-heads hits yung nagtitinda ng bbq at isaw… ANg lakas lakas akala cguro nya bingi mga tao sa katabi nyang establishments (resto at barber shop)
Ang saya ko pag ganun, tinatagalan ko ang hakbang para lang matapos ko yung songs nila. Hehe. Kung tutuusin kadalasan sa mga songs na yun ay palasak na dahil na-mainstream via radio naman way back (Alapaap, Ligaya, Minsan etc) at lagi ko din namang napapakinggan sa mp3 player at cd collection ko (nagrereklamo na nga nanay ko kung minsan). Pero iba pa din ang feeling pag nadidinig mong pinapatugtog ng ibang tao, which means madami pa din kayong uma-appreciate sa forever ultraelectromagnetic band na ito.
Bakit ganun, I felt like a proud mother whenever I hear their songs as if lahat ng dumadaan gusto kong sabihan, hey listen, that’s eheads dude…
Dahil sa litsiryang reunion concert na yan.. umaasa na naman tuloy ako na mababalik ang eheads phenomenon the way it used to be in 90’s… hay….
Ano ba… grow up na sabi…
Hay, sana may reunion concert part 2! Of course, fully recovered na sana si Ely at ready to rock the house by that time. I wasn’t able to see the 8-30-8 concert na yun. Naiinis ako!!
Sa December daw? Sana! Sana!
“A little lovin’ and some fruit to bake
Life is a piece of cake” (Fruitcake, Eheads)
Ang saya ko pag ganun, tinatagalan ko ang hakbang para lang matapos ko yung songs nila. Hehe. Kung tutuusin kadalasan sa mga songs na yun ay palasak na dahil na-mainstream via radio naman way back (Alapaap, Ligaya, Minsan etc) at lagi ko din namang napapakinggan sa mp3 player at cd collection ko (nagrereklamo na nga nanay ko kung minsan). Pero iba pa din ang feeling pag nadidinig mong pinapatugtog ng ibang tao, which means madami pa din kayong uma-appreciate sa forever ultraelectromagnetic band na ito.
Bakit ganun, I felt like a proud mother whenever I hear their songs as if lahat ng dumadaan gusto kong sabihan, hey listen, that’s eheads dude…
Dahil sa litsiryang reunion concert na yan.. umaasa na naman tuloy ako na mababalik ang eheads phenomenon the way it used to be in 90’s… hay….
Ano ba… grow up na sabi…
Hay, sana may reunion concert part 2! Of course, fully recovered na sana si Ely at ready to rock the house by that time. I wasn’t able to see the 8-30-8 concert na yun. Naiinis ako!!
Sa December daw? Sana! Sana!
“A little lovin’ and some fruit to bake
Life is a piece of cake” (Fruitcake, Eheads)
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Book Review - Scott Peck's TRLT
The Road Less Traveled - Scott Peck
This is the book I will always cherish for as long as I live. I am grateful to my psychology teacher in college, for making this part of the required reading materials in class. He only instructed us to read the part of the book about “ the psychology of love”. Surprised because compared to other books that discuss love, the way peck discussed it was not in a mushy or feel good manner. He discussed it the way love should be known, no gimmick and all. Just the truth about love and falling in love and everything in between.
The psychological explanation why human being wants and longs to be loved and to love which is a quest that we thought we all know about, but not. We thought we all have, but haven’t. We thought we can get by just giving, but do not know how.
Though it is a quest, unnecessarily tedious one, it is comprehensible and achievable.
Because I like what I read about this chapter of the book, I pursued on searching the book even after graduation to read the whole chapters and wasn’t disappointed at all by doing so. I love every bit of insight it instills to me.
I also like how he discussed the self-discipline- the underlying concepts, reasons and factors that trigger the human behavior. I am currently reading that part whenever I have time in the evening. The last chapters of the book are about culture, spirituality and religion. SO far, so good.
I recommend this to you. A very nice and generously written experiences contained in a single book.
This is the book I will always cherish for as long as I live. I am grateful to my psychology teacher in college, for making this part of the required reading materials in class. He only instructed us to read the part of the book about “ the psychology of love”. Surprised because compared to other books that discuss love, the way peck discussed it was not in a mushy or feel good manner. He discussed it the way love should be known, no gimmick and all. Just the truth about love and falling in love and everything in between.
The psychological explanation why human being wants and longs to be loved and to love which is a quest that we thought we all know about, but not. We thought we all have, but haven’t. We thought we can get by just giving, but do not know how.
Though it is a quest, unnecessarily tedious one, it is comprehensible and achievable.
Because I like what I read about this chapter of the book, I pursued on searching the book even after graduation to read the whole chapters and wasn’t disappointed at all by doing so. I love every bit of insight it instills to me.
I also like how he discussed the self-discipline- the underlying concepts, reasons and factors that trigger the human behavior. I am currently reading that part whenever I have time in the evening. The last chapters of the book are about culture, spirituality and religion. SO far, so good.
I recommend this to you. A very nice and generously written experiences contained in a single book.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Falling apart
Im tired of this set up. Believe me, one more faint mistake and Im gone.
Im fed up. . Why do i have to feel this now? All the while I thought you'll understand me somehow. You just cant read me.
JUst be honest to yourself for pete's sake.
I think im falling apart.
Im fed up. . Why do i have to feel this now? All the while I thought you'll understand me somehow. You just cant read me.
JUst be honest to yourself for pete's sake.
I think im falling apart.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
that hurts
I really felt bad this time of the day. after reading "that", who wouldn't be? I felt a deep stab on the chest, my heart was broken.
I never heard such a worst allegation in my entire life.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Sickkk.
There. My fear has come. I felt weak today, I couldnt work lest concentrate in the office. My eyes are tired and wanted to close. I need a long rest.
This morning I visited the resident doctor of the Department. My stomach ached so bad. Gumuguhit yung sakit sa tyan, i told the doctor. The doctor was nice and accommodating. She gave me hot compress. My head ached, I got chills all over. I looked pale, my officemate who helped me get the medicine told me. i thought may kumukulam sakin. I know I was getting too hysterical na that time.
After 1 hour of lying on the matress, still feeling weak, the doctor told me she couldnt tell right away what caused the pain. She adviced me to have a couple of laboratory tests (CBC and routine urinalysis) from other hospitals because the Department does not offer free tests like them.
SO my officemate and i went outside the bdlg and headed to the nearest hospital. It's a good thing my boss let us borrow the office vehicle and a driver to send us off. We were looking for the "quickmed" however, we found "starmed". It's a relatively cheaper hospital/clinic situated at the back of Phil. Heart Center. The lady receptionist gave me a plastic container for the urine sample. She also pricked my finger with a needle to get a blood sample. These samples needed 1 hour to get examined. My officemate and i ordered pancakes from McDo though i told her wala tlga akong gana. To kill the boredom we talked about a lot of things in the office - I still felt really sick.
The tests told us that my UTI has returned. The normal WBC should be 0-2. I had 4-8hmf. I didnt know what these counts got to do with the UTI, the doctor just told me it's abnormal and i am a candidate for UTI patient. I said, Oh God thanks it wasnt anything serious.
But the doctor told me it could lead to kidney problems, which is not impossible to occur since my father has one. She made some transcriptions and proper diet advices. I have to take the medicine for 10 days and come back to the clinic on the 11th day to have me examined further.
I hate hospitals. But if I hate them i should take real good care of myself.
After that, we went back to the office . Business as usual though i was still not feeling well. I need to sleep. i want to sleep. Hay...
But this is reality, man. we have to work to survive. But we also should remember, in order to be productive we must take care of ourselves.
Im feeling sleepy here in the office right now, that's why i made a blog out of my today's experience. I wish it's 5 so I can go home.
This morning I visited the resident doctor of the Department. My stomach ached so bad. Gumuguhit yung sakit sa tyan, i told the doctor. The doctor was nice and accommodating. She gave me hot compress. My head ached, I got chills all over. I looked pale, my officemate who helped me get the medicine told me. i thought may kumukulam sakin. I know I was getting too hysterical na that time.
After 1 hour of lying on the matress, still feeling weak, the doctor told me she couldnt tell right away what caused the pain. She adviced me to have a couple of laboratory tests (CBC and routine urinalysis) from other hospitals because the Department does not offer free tests like them.
SO my officemate and i went outside the bdlg and headed to the nearest hospital. It's a good thing my boss let us borrow the office vehicle and a driver to send us off. We were looking for the "quickmed" however, we found "starmed". It's a relatively cheaper hospital/clinic situated at the back of Phil. Heart Center. The lady receptionist gave me a plastic container for the urine sample. She also pricked my finger with a needle to get a blood sample. These samples needed 1 hour to get examined. My officemate and i ordered pancakes from McDo though i told her wala tlga akong gana. To kill the boredom we talked about a lot of things in the office - I still felt really sick.
The tests told us that my UTI has returned. The normal WBC should be 0-2. I had 4-8hmf. I didnt know what these counts got to do with the UTI, the doctor just told me it's abnormal and i am a candidate for UTI patient. I said, Oh God thanks it wasnt anything serious.
But the doctor told me it could lead to kidney problems, which is not impossible to occur since my father has one. She made some transcriptions and proper diet advices. I have to take the medicine for 10 days and come back to the clinic on the 11th day to have me examined further.
I hate hospitals. But if I hate them i should take real good care of myself.
After that, we went back to the office . Business as usual though i was still not feeling well. I need to sleep. i want to sleep. Hay...
But this is reality, man. we have to work to survive. But we also should remember, in order to be productive we must take care of ourselves.
Im feeling sleepy here in the office right now, that's why i made a blog out of my today's experience. I wish it's 5 so I can go home.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Exhausted me.
I couldnt help myself but wonder what exactly was going on with me. Really. I've been busy the past few days in the office preparing documents, attending meetings, collaborating with different agencies regarding one of my handled projects seeking funding from World Bank, and goodness.. I need to slow down a bit. I already forgot to text "some people" like I usually do for 2 days. Maybe, it's time to mainstream my thoughts and energy and manage them in order. I mean, Im no superwoman. I have problems, too. And I have to allot time for each. And it's not easy. Hay...
I need a break. I wanted to go back when I was in college, when I can be alone whenever and wherever I want, I can go to this and that place without any responsibilities to worry (like what I have in the office right now) and just be carefree.
Hay, Im exhausted lang cguro. I'll leave everything to God. I know He blesses every person in this world.
So, Cheer up! =)
I need a break. I wanted to go back when I was in college, when I can be alone whenever and wherever I want, I can go to this and that place without any responsibilities to worry (like what I have in the office right now) and just be carefree.
Hay, Im exhausted lang cguro. I'll leave everything to God. I know He blesses every person in this world.
So, Cheer up! =)
Monday, July 14, 2008
Low. Low. Low.
I was feeling low yesterday. I actually didn’t know what bothered me. Basta something along as I worked in the office made me felt this way. I just didn’t feel appreciated after I did some things people required me to do. This is the worst feeling one can get, really. A day has already passed and it still troubles me. It sucks.
Maybe I need to loosen up a little bit. I know, I’ve kinda tired myself from thinking so much about so many things this week and it’s not healthy. Surely, I have to think of the future, but it didn’t help me feel better. It made me really really unhappy instead. Hehe. Like what? Well, about what I really wanted to do with my life, my career, family problems (every family has one), relationships (with friends, acquaintance, and love ones..hehe)
Hay…
I guess whatever lies in the future will happen no matter how you stop or circumvent the situation. You just have to be steadfast that none of them will bring your spirit down.
I guess, I need a good philosophical book to spice up my office life. The problem is, as much as I want to, I really don’t have the time naman. Of course there would be idle times in a day but I spent them most of the time, thinking. I hope happy thoughts. But problems keep on barging in eh. The once I’ve created and the natural human problems.
Sana matapos na all at once or kahit one at a time lang… Para I can move on with my real happy life naman.. (Parang retirement na yata ang gusto ko, hehe)
There, just to keep my blogger account posted. Hehe.
If you have any suggestions on how to become really, really happy with your life I’m more that happy to read them here. Thanks in advance =)
Maybe I need to loosen up a little bit. I know, I’ve kinda tired myself from thinking so much about so many things this week and it’s not healthy. Surely, I have to think of the future, but it didn’t help me feel better. It made me really really unhappy instead. Hehe. Like what? Well, about what I really wanted to do with my life, my career, family problems (every family has one), relationships (with friends, acquaintance, and love ones..hehe)
Hay…
I guess whatever lies in the future will happen no matter how you stop or circumvent the situation. You just have to be steadfast that none of them will bring your spirit down.
I guess, I need a good philosophical book to spice up my office life. The problem is, as much as I want to, I really don’t have the time naman. Of course there would be idle times in a day but I spent them most of the time, thinking. I hope happy thoughts. But problems keep on barging in eh. The once I’ve created and the natural human problems.
Sana matapos na all at once or kahit one at a time lang… Para I can move on with my real happy life naman.. (Parang retirement na yata ang gusto ko, hehe)
There, just to keep my blogger account posted. Hehe.
If you have any suggestions on how to become really, really happy with your life I’m more that happy to read them here. Thanks in advance =)
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I Want No Blogger Blabber
"What you see, what you read when you go leave it here. "
This should be a creed for all blogger readers who couldn't get away without managing a conclusion about you after reading what, 2 or 3 of your blogs? Worse is when he/she even has the nerve to play around your gamut of blogs and badmouth them to his/her similarly blogger blabber friends. (im not furious, ok?)
This should be a creed for all blogger readers who couldn't get away without managing a conclusion about you after reading what, 2 or 3 of your blogs? Worse is when he/she even has the nerve to play around your gamut of blogs and badmouth them to his/her similarly blogger blabber friends. (im not furious, ok?)
Hey, it's not like you've known the person all your life, right?
Blogging is just one of the means by which you can release whatever feelings and emotions you have "in the now". It's quite healthy actually to give a burst instead of keeping them inside. If these feelings would only hurt you and give you chronic high blood pressures and epileptic ceasures, hey, why dont give blogging a try? What's nice about these electronically-operated blogging engines is that, they do not complain.. hahaha.. Seriously. (Poor thing.) The diary of the modern age, so to speak.
C'mmon, you know better. Get a life. Or follow my advice. Blog.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
About Paulo
This is My Life..
And you're a part of it. How on earth? Every thing that leads you to me becomes a part of me, or if you want-- a part of you, too. Your time, effort and the chance [or was it a wave of destiny] that brought you here to me are all mine now.
Was it all confusing? That's how deep I remember words of Paulo Coelho to me at first and until now. He does not believe in coincidences. Every thing has it's purpose for taking place. He makes simple things complex and goes beyond that. Ironically, he makes complicated things easier for whatever your neurons can accommodate.
It's nice to have people like him around. He makes life interestingly goofy.
Read his books "the alchemist", "veronika decides to die", " by the river piedra i sat down and wept" ... and i heard "11 minutes" is a compelling read, too. Try if you like his style of writing and tell me about your findings. =)
And you're a part of it. How on earth? Every thing that leads you to me becomes a part of me, or if you want-- a part of you, too. Your time, effort and the chance [or was it a wave of destiny] that brought you here to me are all mine now.
Was it all confusing? That's how deep I remember words of Paulo Coelho to me at first and until now. He does not believe in coincidences. Every thing has it's purpose for taking place. He makes simple things complex and goes beyond that. Ironically, he makes complicated things easier for whatever your neurons can accommodate.
It's nice to have people like him around. He makes life interestingly goofy.
Read his books "the alchemist", "veronika decides to die", " by the river piedra i sat down and wept" ... and i heard "11 minutes" is a compelling read, too. Try if you like his style of writing and tell me about your findings. =)
First timer
Oh gosh my feelings are way beyond words .. I really got the inspiration from superbianca (bianca gonzales) for having a blog page myself here at blogger. It's cool and really looks secluded from all those blogging webpages you see on the net.. (too early to judge). Hmm.. no special reason, really, but it's a new experience for me once again to try crafting an account after friendster and multiply.
I think I'll put more details on my page when I have time. I'll get back here as soon as I want to post any happenings in my life, not to mention look around for friends/ co-bloggers who happen to be in my circle of life.
Hooray to a new day with blogger! It's weird that Im so excited about it... very unusual of me. hehe
I think I'll put more details on my page when I have time. I'll get back here as soon as I want to post any happenings in my life, not to mention look around for friends/ co-bloggers who happen to be in my circle of life.
Hooray to a new day with blogger! It's weird that Im so excited about it... very unusual of me. hehe
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