All Mixed up

Hay.. im down again. I dont know why im still here.
Lost. Lost. Lost.

Im doing my duties in the office but not whole-heartedly. I still need to search for that "something" which will give me self-fulfillment in every way before I get acclimatized and used to things i dislike at first. I dont wanna come to a point where i would regret every single thing that i thought i better did.

I heard once that if you want to change something in your life, get off of your feet, you're not a tree with feet stuck beneath the ground anyway.

Im willing to sail off and change things for myself. Yes I am. Im just holding back because i still have obligations in the office/family. I dont wanna fail my parents above all things, and think that i am being selfish for sailing off. Dont get me wrong, i get all the support from my family when i need it. Only, Im at the stage right now of returning the favor to them. SO i really have to put my urge to sail off (im calling it a sail off cause i still am not quite sure what exactly it is that i want) at the backseat for the meantime.

Further, before i get out of here, i need a clear path first. A direction - where i really want to be and what i really want to become.

SO help me God.

Please help me God.